Hey everyone! I know it's been a long time since I posted and I want to apologize for that. Life has been a bit of a whirlwind the past month and a half, but the end result has been a fantastic feeling that I want to share with you. But let's start off with my struggles.
In February I learned some hard lessons on my weight loss. Mostly involving wine and how it probably isn't best if I have that very much. Which is sad, because I do loves me some wine. I gained some weight back after a wine tasting trip with my family, and that's where my struggle really began. I was into my 20 lb. weight loss at that point, and was excited to get to 30 pounds. The week after I learned I had gained from wine tasting, 3 pounds I believe, I stuck to my guns and did everything in my power to lose that weight again... But when I weighed in that week I didn't lose as much as I was hoping. For a couple weeks my weight stayed very close to the same. I won't say it discouraged me, because if it did, I wouldn't have any happy news to share with you. But I became extremely disappointed in myself and felt ashamed to report my lack of weight loss to my parents, who are doing everything they can to help me.
So I continued to struggle, losing some, or staying the same, for a month. I was always within that 30 lb reach... but couldn't quite get there. Until 3 weeks ago. I finally broke through and lost the 30 pounds and I was so happy. I proved to myself in that moment that I can't get past any struggles or hurdles life throws at me and show the world that I can do it.
The week that I finally reached my 30 pound goal was also one of the most stressful and emotional weeks I've had to deal with so far, so that victory was even more important to me. That was the week that I found out some sad news about my grandfather.
My grandfather has been sick with pneumonia for a while now and 3 weeks ago he was admitted into the hospital because he was having difficulty breathing. That whole week was such a stress mess for my family and I, but never once did I think to turn to food, since that has always been my thing... I was a huge emotional eater.
I gave into temptation on the second week though , because my grandfather was still in the hospital and we had no answers yet. A few days after I weighed in and got the great news about breaking into the 30 pound mark, I found out that my grandfather was going to go in for a procedure that would clean his lungs, and that while the doctor was doing this he'd take samples he'd perform a biopsy on. The idea that my grandfather might actually have cancer killed me inside and I began to eat a little extra here and there of foods I eat on a day to day basis with Jenny. The end result was me gaining back .7 pounds. So while I didn't give into temptation and eat a gallon of ice cream like I wanted to, I still gained weight... That was the worst moment in my journey so far, even worse than my month long struggle to get past the 20's...
Now I'm sure you guys are wondering, where is the good news? This blog post is depressing so far. The good news is coming, I promise. But there is still some sad stuff to get out of the way first.
The day before I weighed in and learned I gained .7 pounds was also the day my mom broke the bad news to me. She waited until I got home from work and had me sit down to talk. They had found out that day that my grandfather was told by his doctor, after my mom and grandma left to go home, that he had lung cancer. Reality came and hit me so hard I didn't know what to think. Up until 2 weeks ago I never thought my grandparents would ever die. To me they were my world. Even at 22 I didn't think about death in my family. But that day, I realized my grandparents aren't as young as I would like them to be and that eventually, I would have to say goodbye.
Now despite my grandfathers diagnosis of lung cancer, and the fact that we also found out that weekend that it was stage 3a, I stuck to my guns and kept going through my journey without faltering. I wanted to do everything in my power to make my grandpa proud this week, and while I did go to Disneyland and enjoy myself with my friend Kirsten, I used my knowledge of Jenny Craig and was able to shave off certain foods from the day to make up for what I was eating.
Today I weighed in and found out that all that hard work paid off, by not giving in and eating a whole cake, like I wanted to last Saturday... I was able to call my mom with good news to pass on to my grandfather today... I lost another 2 and a half pounds. So while my heart is aching and reality is coming at me full force on a weekly basis, I am kicking ass and taking name with my journey. I want to do my best to make my grandpa proud. I want to give him more reasons to brag to his nurses about me, because he does this... according to my mom.
But the best news is that the other day I decided to try on some pajama bottoms my mom got me for Christmas. They didn't fit at the time, but when I put them on the other day, they fit perfectly! I was so happy to wear my Disney nerd pajama bottoms! So happy in fact, that I decided... if those fit, why not try on my old work pants. Well I did just that today, and while they are still snug at the top, I am able to zip them up and do a little dance in them!
I am happy that I have so many things good going on for my grandfather to hear about. We have been getting good news from his doctors as well. They went in a few days ago to do a brain scan to see if the cancer had moved away from his lungs, and we were gifted with the wonderful news that his brain is still great, which means that once he kicks his pneumonia, the doctors can start treatment on him. So while I know my grandparents aren't as young as they used to be, I am clinging onto the hope that they will still be around to see the end of my journey, and hopefully any happy beginnings that come with it.
As always, I love you guys so much. Your support through this journey is a wonderful feeling I cherish and I hope that I can always be an inspiration for all of you inspire me to do my best each day.
